One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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