: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize