people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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