Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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