Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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