the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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