i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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