Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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