she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize