BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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