Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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