Your mouth is God's brothel.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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