So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize