I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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