I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your penis caused this!
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