I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize