i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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