I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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