so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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