fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize