My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize