just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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