I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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