I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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