nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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