from now on my penis is your penis
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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