i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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