I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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