Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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