YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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