i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Semen is not good for contacts.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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