If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize