I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize