I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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