The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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