hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize