When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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