This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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