well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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