he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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