let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize