Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize