even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize