He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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