Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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