2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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