I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize