I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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