# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't make out with my wife yet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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