he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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